Does it depend on your perception of control? Your dependance on normality Your understanding of what actually matters? Or…?
I've said it before but I'll say it again, everyone here is happier than us. Why? I can't say that I really know the answer to that question, but I do have a couple of theories. I've talked about gratitude and that since they have so few possessions, each thing they do have means more to them. It could be that. It could just be that they're happy to be alive. With everything that's happened, whether it be to their country, family or whatever else, being alive is enough of a miracle to be happy about. When I asked one of the Terre Froide youth why she was so happy- not that she doesn't deserve to be- she responded with a smile and said, 'Why wouldn't I be?'
I was talking to somebody about this whole concept and she said something I found interesting. She said that, the unhappy people are the people in the middle: they don't have it really good, but it's not that bad either. Not rich, not poor, just average. Middle class. By her logic, when you have it really good, you have so much (generally materialistically speaking) to be happy for. You have your fancy house, your sports car and your yearly luxurious vacations. Why wouldn't you be happy? On the other side of the spectrum, if life is really bad, you'll go into "survival mode". This means that anything you do have (in this case not only materialistically) will cause you to be happy. Your life is simple. When you're in the middle, things aren't good enough yet that you'll stop complaining, but they're not bad enough either that you realise there's no point in complaining.
I agree with this... but not entirely. I do think that the general concept could be true: more people could be unhappier in the middle classes. And though, I do think the part about survival mode or how people in the bottom can be happy, could be true, I don't entirely agree that the people in the top are always happy. On the contrary, I often find that if you have your fancy house, sports car and luxury holidays, you get greedy. Either you'll just want more and never be satisfied with what you do have or you'll "forget" to be grateful. Essentially, you're forgetting what's really important. So even if you have a bunch of stuff that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be content. Similarly, if you have money, that doesn't always mean that you have a loving family, a grasp about what you're passionate about doing or anything like that. Your life could be empty. Emptiness doesn't often involve happiness.
This same person also said something that technically just means it depends on your perception of control. That's what I understood. The example she gave was a little girl in the US who is sad because she doesn't have the money to go to school. With that same scenario, except in Haiti, she said the girl would just shrug it off and say that her mum just couldn't pay for today, that's not her fault. Maybe tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's the best example, but it got me thinking...
Initially, if you view basic aspects of daily life as out of your control, like the weather, whether or not your dad gets fired, or whether you have enough money to go to school, then your mood won't be affected if some of these things go wrong. This means that if it starts to rain or your dad loses his job or you can't pay for school just now, you won't be sad. You wouldn't take any of it out on yourself, because it was out of your control. You'll just see how you can avoid these things from deeply affecting you for a long period of time. You could stay inside to cover from the rain, help your dad look for a new job, or go try and make some of your own money to pay for school.
It's a bit of a confusing concept, but think about it like this. Suzy, age 5, USA goes to the toy store. Her favourite doll is out of stock, which means she can't get it. As a result, Suzy starts to cry because she claims she needed the doll to be happy. Suzy's happiness depended on the availability of a doll: something that is out or her control. Thamara, also age 5, Haiti, walks ten minutes down the mountain to get to a little stand that sells the basics. Today is Sunday, laundry day, but her family is out of soap, so she is going to buy her mother some. When she arrives, she asked the man at the stand if he has any, but he tells her that they are out. He goes on to apologise, but Thamara says that it's not his fault, there's nothing he could have done. She thanks the man anyways. As she walks away, heading back to tell her mother, she isn't as enthused as she was on the way down, but she's still happy. They don't need the soap today, it can wait. Thamara's happiness did not alter based off the availability of soap: something that is out of her control.
I'm not sure how easy all of this is to follow, but it's basically the difference between a fixed mindset and an adaptable one. It's about understanding that if it's out of your control, there's no reason to get upset. Is getting upset really worth it? What good would it even do? They understand what really matters.
Similarly, they could be happier than us because of our dependance of normality. We are so stuck on the way our life is- our room, house, car, school/job, schedule- that if it changes without our planning so, we will be unhappy. Whereas the people in Haiti are adaptable and prepared or aware of the worst that can happen, when something changes that was out of their control, they stay happy. What could they have done? Nothing. So again, why be upset?
For example, let's say your entire neighbourhood has a power outage for two weeks. Is there anything you could have done to prevent that? No. Will you still be upset? Yes. Why? You claim you need electricity, but it's only because you're so used to using it.
In Haiti, let's say the horse they keep tied to the tree outside ran away one night. Is there anything they could have done to stop that? No, they were sleeping. Will they be upset? No, not really. It was the horse they used for the one hour trip down the mountain to get to work every morning but they don't need it. They can just wake up earlier and walk the distance until they find a better solution. Sure, they may be a little frustrated, but they're still happy. They'll adapt to the change in no time, it's just their horse that ran away, nothing huge.
So, it doesn't matter if it's raining, if their dad got fired, if they can't afford school today, if they couldn't get a bar of soap or if their horse ran away. They're still happy. They have a true understanding of what really matters: they're alive, healthy and they have each other. That's all they need. We could learn a thing or two from them.
There's no need for us to freak out when we see how happy they are. There's no need for us to try and make sense of it all. These are all just ideas, things I noticed. But, at the end of the day, why are we so desperate to find out why they're happy? They deserve it just as much as we do (if not more). So all I really have to say is good for them. It wouldn't hurt some of us to have the same mindset they do.
(Of course, there are some exceptions to this 'unlimited' happiness. Something like an earthquake is, indeed out of their control, and yet, it's more likely to affect their happiness at first than not. I can't be certain though since I've never been in Haiti right after something like that; they might still be happy because they survived. I couldn't tell you. But for everything else, I'm talking in general, in their normal day-to-day lives).
LM
I was talking to somebody about this whole concept and she said something I found interesting. She said that, the unhappy people are the people in the middle: they don't have it really good, but it's not that bad either. Not rich, not poor, just average. Middle class. By her logic, when you have it really good, you have so much (generally materialistically speaking) to be happy for. You have your fancy house, your sports car and your yearly luxurious vacations. Why wouldn't you be happy? On the other side of the spectrum, if life is really bad, you'll go into "survival mode". This means that anything you do have (in this case not only materialistically) will cause you to be happy. Your life is simple. When you're in the middle, things aren't good enough yet that you'll stop complaining, but they're not bad enough either that you realise there's no point in complaining.
I agree with this... but not entirely. I do think that the general concept could be true: more people could be unhappier in the middle classes. And though, I do think the part about survival mode or how people in the bottom can be happy, could be true, I don't entirely agree that the people in the top are always happy. On the contrary, I often find that if you have your fancy house, sports car and luxury holidays, you get greedy. Either you'll just want more and never be satisfied with what you do have or you'll "forget" to be grateful. Essentially, you're forgetting what's really important. So even if you have a bunch of stuff that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be content. Similarly, if you have money, that doesn't always mean that you have a loving family, a grasp about what you're passionate about doing or anything like that. Your life could be empty. Emptiness doesn't often involve happiness.
This same person also said something that technically just means it depends on your perception of control. That's what I understood. The example she gave was a little girl in the US who is sad because she doesn't have the money to go to school. With that same scenario, except in Haiti, she said the girl would just shrug it off and say that her mum just couldn't pay for today, that's not her fault. Maybe tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's the best example, but it got me thinking...
Initially, if you view basic aspects of daily life as out of your control, like the weather, whether or not your dad gets fired, or whether you have enough money to go to school, then your mood won't be affected if some of these things go wrong. This means that if it starts to rain or your dad loses his job or you can't pay for school just now, you won't be sad. You wouldn't take any of it out on yourself, because it was out of your control. You'll just see how you can avoid these things from deeply affecting you for a long period of time. You could stay inside to cover from the rain, help your dad look for a new job, or go try and make some of your own money to pay for school.
It's a bit of a confusing concept, but think about it like this. Suzy, age 5, USA goes to the toy store. Her favourite doll is out of stock, which means she can't get it. As a result, Suzy starts to cry because she claims she needed the doll to be happy. Suzy's happiness depended on the availability of a doll: something that is out or her control. Thamara, also age 5, Haiti, walks ten minutes down the mountain to get to a little stand that sells the basics. Today is Sunday, laundry day, but her family is out of soap, so she is going to buy her mother some. When she arrives, she asked the man at the stand if he has any, but he tells her that they are out. He goes on to apologise, but Thamara says that it's not his fault, there's nothing he could have done. She thanks the man anyways. As she walks away, heading back to tell her mother, she isn't as enthused as she was on the way down, but she's still happy. They don't need the soap today, it can wait. Thamara's happiness did not alter based off the availability of soap: something that is out of her control.
I'm not sure how easy all of this is to follow, but it's basically the difference between a fixed mindset and an adaptable one. It's about understanding that if it's out of your control, there's no reason to get upset. Is getting upset really worth it? What good would it even do? They understand what really matters.
Similarly, they could be happier than us because of our dependance of normality. We are so stuck on the way our life is- our room, house, car, school/job, schedule- that if it changes without our planning so, we will be unhappy. Whereas the people in Haiti are adaptable and prepared or aware of the worst that can happen, when something changes that was out of their control, they stay happy. What could they have done? Nothing. So again, why be upset?
For example, let's say your entire neighbourhood has a power outage for two weeks. Is there anything you could have done to prevent that? No. Will you still be upset? Yes. Why? You claim you need electricity, but it's only because you're so used to using it.
In Haiti, let's say the horse they keep tied to the tree outside ran away one night. Is there anything they could have done to stop that? No, they were sleeping. Will they be upset? No, not really. It was the horse they used for the one hour trip down the mountain to get to work every morning but they don't need it. They can just wake up earlier and walk the distance until they find a better solution. Sure, they may be a little frustrated, but they're still happy. They'll adapt to the change in no time, it's just their horse that ran away, nothing huge.
So, it doesn't matter if it's raining, if their dad got fired, if they can't afford school today, if they couldn't get a bar of soap or if their horse ran away. They're still happy. They have a true understanding of what really matters: they're alive, healthy and they have each other. That's all they need. We could learn a thing or two from them.
There's no need for us to freak out when we see how happy they are. There's no need for us to try and make sense of it all. These are all just ideas, things I noticed. But, at the end of the day, why are we so desperate to find out why they're happy? They deserve it just as much as we do (if not more). So all I really have to say is good for them. It wouldn't hurt some of us to have the same mindset they do.
(Of course, there are some exceptions to this 'unlimited' happiness. Something like an earthquake is, indeed out of their control, and yet, it's more likely to affect their happiness at first than not. I can't be certain though since I've never been in Haiti right after something like that; they might still be happy because they survived. I couldn't tell you. But for everything else, I'm talking in general, in their normal day-to-day lives).
LM
